#SporkLivesMatter: The Newest Movement Sweeping the Nation?

By: Lee Miller

The controversy has long been raging in the United States. At holiday get-togethers across the nation. The debate cannot seem to be avoided. A nation divided. Spork Rights vs. Fork Privilege. Brother against brother! The Second Civil War brewing just beneath the surface of gravy boats nationwide!


For years Spork Rights activists have accused Imperial Fork Privilege for their continued oppression in the kitchen. Sporks have been told it is not their place to sit at the table of the wealthy 1%ers.

Shunned by elite Forkists, Sporks have long been seen as unequal counterparts to the Fork because of their bi-utensil orientation. Despite progress being made, Forks continue to deny recognition of the bi-utensil movement. The hashtag #SporkLivesMatter has been gaining growing support on social media amongst the Spork-supporting community. Even a GoFundMe Campaign has been created to help bring an End to the Sporkism at: www.GoFundMe.com/SporkLivesMatter


Recently headlines have been made on a growing new trend of trans-utensil rights.

“Where will it end?” asks many Fork-centrist advocates.

“Simply because you wake up one day and call yourself a Fork doesn’t change the fact that you were manufactured a Spork!”

But Pro-Sporkists claim, “Forkism represents the archaic traditions of the past unable to accept universal utensilism based on their prejudices and sense of superiority.”

Spork Advocate: Dixie Plastic

“Perhaps one day we will live in a society where all utensils are equal and free to live without discrimination and oppression,” says Spork Right’s PAC Leader Dixie Plastic. “Until then, we will continue to march and pressure our lawmakers into legislative action, even if that means circumventing the voters and going straight to the unelected representatives.”


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